You're completely useless in the revolution.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
