i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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