he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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