Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he quoted the bible to break up with me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
