I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
