Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
