Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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