I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
