my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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