xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
