This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
