My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
BRING THE BAGELS
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
try to milk me bitch
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
