unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
