Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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