I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am available for nakedness
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
