The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
