Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
