At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
