when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
