Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
