Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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