just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
