The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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