He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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