New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Everclear isn't food dammit
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
