called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
