Well douche your snatch and let's go!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
