Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
