Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just had sex on a roof
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
