So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
