That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
