I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
