Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Houston, we have a blender
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize