I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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