So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
