idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
