just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
