I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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