Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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