He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't deserve a penis
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
