and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
