I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
