I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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