Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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