I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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