i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
