My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
