your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
