Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
