I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you made out with another girl for some wings
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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