I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
