Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
