I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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