and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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