in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
