I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
