i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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