i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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