the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize