Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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