I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
