I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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